Relationships can spiral out of control. By the time you realize that counselling might be useful it is often too late. Both parties have been under such emotional stress, have felt so much pain that they are no longer certain that they want to maintain the relationship. To end the pain is easier than trying to fix the relationship. Furthermore, even assuming that the relationship can be fixed, people may choose not to because they have experienced it break and don’t want to go through the emotional pain of having the relationship spin out of control again.

However, the great thing about watching your relationship spin out of control is that you get a first hand experience of what makes the relationship fail. You learn what not to do. If you had this experience at the beginning of your relationship you would know how to make it work wouldn’t you? That’s useful information. The problem is that you have such an unpleasant track record with your partner that you feel reluctant to risk giving that person the power to make you unhappy again – because the power to make someone unhappy is the power to make them the happiest person in the world. And often we choose not to accept it.

Once a choice is made to end the relationship no amount of counselling, no communication techniques will make the relationship work unless you and your partner make the decision that you want to have a relationship with your partner and decide how you want to make it work. If you can take that decision then we can hit the reset button and you can take your relationship back to what it had been when you had enjoyed the honeymoon phase.

So why would you make a choice to renew and reset the relationship when the relationship has already failed once?

Maybe you value your partner? Maybe you love your partner? Maybe you remember how good you had been together and doubt that you could find happiness with anyone else and long to be able to achieve that happiness again? And maybe you can trust that learning how to make your relationship work will enable you to achieve that happiness.

So once a couple have decided that they want to make their relationship work, we have a great range of tools that can help. Using NLP techniques, we can clear most of that emotional baggage from the past. Old insults, bad feelings, hatred, even infidelities can be cleared up using a variety of tools. Then we can take you back to the beginning of your relationship and rebuild trust between you – helping you to learn what each other likes. This is what I call hitting the reset button.

The next stage is to teach relationship skills. A great deal of research has gone into discovering the keys to successful relationships. These include such things as being appreciative and responsive to each other – to the point of actually being interested in each other’s lives. There is also a magic ratio of 5:1. For every negative statement there needs to be five positive ones. It is little facts and details like these that help maintain a loving relationship.

In addition to knowing what sort of things work in a relationship we can work on communication skills and conflict resolution skills so that people can respond to difficult situations and strengthen their relationships in those situations instead of destroying them.

Individuals may also have issues which are destructive to a relationship and can be worked on. Such issues can be wide ranging from poor communication to anger to just negativity.

By taking a holistic approach to the couple and their relationship it is possible not only to not only stay together, but be in love together and build a happy future.
Peter Campbell does couple’s therapy to help couples rebuild and foster relationships, book a consultation to reset your relationship today.

© Peter Campbell, NLP Master Practitioner, www.cogniscientNLP.com and Mind Design Ltd www.mind-design.co.nz.